Smirnoff Whipped Cream and Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka

First spirits review, boo-yah. I’ve got to admit, high school would have been a lot easier with these on hand. For me, not for anyone else. In my earlier years, I had one hell of a social calendar. Bar or Bat Mitzvahs every Saturday, which, in Connecticut basically calls for giant, stupidly excessive parties with a little torah action on the side, black market sleepover invitations, and cast parties for all the plays I was in. Would have helped with coping with the asstastic directors we had. While the other kids were sneaking sips from their parents’ shitty tequila supply, I would have been the queen of the 10th grade. These candy-inspired vodkas are A-grade panty peelers, and I’m Leisure Suit Larry.Fast forward five years later. Fortunately, I no longer have the need nor the drive to chase down vapid sorority chicks with my free alcahawl, but it’s still a tantalizing proposition. These drinks go down easily. A little too easily, in that I feel a little empty inside by not pairing them with a frosting and pulverized Peep chaser. As someone who literally cannot physically drink shots, these would be great introductory vodkas for recently defrocked AA members or the elderly. Both are freaking sweet, in less of a frat boy adoration than a “I think I just ate lip gloss” way, and yet do not contain sugar.The whipped cream vodka has a smooth, milky flavor despite its vodka bite and a perfumed nose that surprisingly doesn’t smell like 14 year old girls at the mall. It’s actually a fairly accurate scent, with an airy, mild fruitiness reminiscent of sniffing vanilla extract, and mixes well with milk and nothing else. Drinking it feels a bit close to drinking the leftover sips of melted vanilla ice cream in the summer, so this provides a less caloric and similarly decadent experience. There’s an interesting underlying coconut edge to this as well. While I can’t say this tastes identical to freshly whipped cream, which has a bit more of that butterfat neutrality that pairs so well with cakes and pies, it definitely tastes like Cool Whip, a flavor best imitated rather than eaten out of the tub.

Smirnoff Whipped Cream Vodka
MSRP $14
78/100

Fluffed marshmallow is a bit more ambiguous of a flavor since everyone knows that marshmallows are really just larger, puffier vehicles for a magnificent sugar rush. This vodka smells like jailbait. Does anyone but me remember the Jessica Simpson line of edible body products? Desert Prostitute or something? It might have been Dessert, but nobody’s counting. This one really has that sweet, one-noted candied edge, with no burnt or toasty flavor to speak of. They did say this was just regular marshmallow, but still, I had hope. And now I don’t. Mixed with milk, this tasted like a sprinkles Splenda milkshake with a healthy dollop of cake batter on top. In other words, something that a seven year old would give their left arm for. I rest my case.

Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka
MSRP $14
70/100

I liked these pretty unadorned- a shot in a glass with a dribble of milk, but I did make a special and incredibly easy shot to make it more like an ice cream sundae using hot fudge and chopped peanuts on the rim of the shot. Bottoms up.

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About Jess
Rotten? Perhaps. Sweet? Without a doubt. Welcome to Nobly Rotten- the wine site that dares to be a little off.

2 Responses to Smirnoff Whipped Cream and Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka

  1. maggiesview says:

    While I have not tried the Smirnoff brand of these fanciful vodkas, (I rather despise that particular brand, as it is not a wonderfully smooth vodka), I have indeed imbibed many from the Pinnacle family brands.

    Try mixing the marshmallow with a bit of Bailey’s Irish Cream… a fluffernutter! A puerile event for sure!!

    Should you decide to continue to review spirits, perchance you will include some of the other Pinnacle flavors… Gummy, cookie dough, banana…. and possibly erase the memories of the Bat and Bar Mitzvahs you were required to attend………..

  2. Nin says:

    Maggiesview – you would be really surprised at how wonderfully the Smirnoff Whipped Cream tastes on the rocks. I, like you, generally will not touch the regular Smirnoff because of its caustic perfumed taste. It ruined the Black Russians that I used to love. The only flavored vodkas that I will drink are by Van Gogh. I was given a bottle of the Whipped Cream by a friend for Christmas and am drinking it on the rocks as we speak and I am in Heaven!! I have not tried any of the others – but because of this one…I might just try another!!! The only reason I found this site was because I was looking for caloric content for this little brew!!!

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