Bissinger’s Chocolate-Covered Wine Grapes

If you’re a long-time reader of this site, you know that I typically choose to review unique food products on my other website, Foodette Reviews. However, when I received these at the Fancy Food Show, I knew I had to write about them here. I’ve written extensively about a few of Bissinger’s product line on Foodette, because they’re easily one of my favorite artisanal companies. It’s a treat to find an older, classically styled chocolatier who is comfortable recreating standards as they are preserving them, and their chocolate-covered wine grapes are one of the nicest things I’ve had from them. Bissinger’s has a knack for creating candies that appeal to childhood nostalgia, yet are reformulated for an adult palate. I’ve waxed about lemon ginger yuzu gummies and have developed an addiction for ghost-chili caramels, but no other candy from them has enticed my palate as much as these have. Using dried Muscat grapes soaked in a potent mix of Bissinger’s own Shiraz wine and vodka extract for an additional kick, and covered in 60% dark chocolate, these are definitely not the Raisinets of your youth.The grapes are decadent, ranging in size from smaller, Tic Tac-sized pieces to larger ones roughly the diameter of a nickel. The candies are not panned and tend to get a little scuffed in their bag. One thing I’ve noticed with the company is that their portions run toward the skimpy side. A bag of these is $7 for 3.5 ounces and yields maybe 25-30 grapes depending on the size, and if you’re using these to entertain you’ll need at least two bags. They’re incredibly easy to eat and have a crunchy outer texture and thick, gelatinous inner core with a slight chew from the raisin.The dark chocolate is smoky and smooth and the raisin, while not exactly identifiable to a dried Muscat grape, is definitely infused with the wine and alcohol and carries a sweet, boozy flavor with a slightly bitter aftertaste and an earthiness from the raisins. They taste like a poppable ruby Port. While these won’t replace a glass of wine with dinner, they certainly offer a charming supplement to wine and are a nice way to prolong the oenological bliss once the bottle is finished.

Bissinger’s Chocolate-Covered Wine Grapes
MSRP: $7
90/100

1990 Weingut Günther Steinmetz Kestener Paulinsberg Riesling Spätlese

“If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.” Or is it? As I’m mired in my LSAT exam preparation, I’ve been taught to sniff out buzzwords like “probably” and “likely” as baited quantifiers that could either drastically minimize or overstate the scope of an argument. Sometimes these words can aid in helping find a middle ground between an argument that limits a theory or one that is too vague, but other times, they serve as blinking red lights leading me to doubt their usage in a question.In this case, the classic phrase above jumped out at me as I perused one of our local grocery stores. A Mosel Spat from 1990 for under $75 a bottle? Not only unusual, but definitely something to set my heart racing and my tongue salivating. The man at the counter was excited, too, exclaiming the very thoughts running through my head- “Not too often that you see a ’90 Riesling on the shelf, huh?” Indeed, especially not in a deli. And for $20, it seemed like a no-brainer. While I’d never tried anything from Gunther Steinmetz, the name sounded familiar enough to entice the curiosity it would take to try this at dinner, knowing that it was definitely a better bet than the Sutter Home on the counter and the overpriced ’66 Pichon-Lalande at the frou-frou boutique down the street.I know this for sure- you couldn’t get more bang for your buck than with one of these. It’s definitely one of the oldest Rieslings I’ve seen for such a low price, and though it reeks of end-bin specials, definitely reflects a thoughtful, delicate wine far beyond its price tag. The nose, powerful and fragrant of honey and lanolin, led the way with an almost weak and sharp flavor at first, though the mouthfeel was full. The acidity was moderately strong on the first sip but petered out before a substantial finish was established, which dismantled the bulk of the wine’s structure and balance. Eating this with condiment-slathered sandwiches meant there was no ill will in the diminished flavor, but I wouldn’t have served this as a first course wine with nothing to back it up.After about an hour, the wine opened up immensely, yielding a lush mouthfeel with bouncy, vibrant lemon and olive oil flavors and a honeyed edge. Though a little funky-tasting, the acidity lingered on the palate much longer than before, with a zesty flavor bordering on fruity, but not quite hitting the right marks. While not a very sweet wine, it was still enjoyable for an evening spent inside. It just didn’t come together as well as I wanted it to. A fairly austere example of a Spat, and not one I’d use to illustrate the varying degrees of sweetness to a novice. It’s far more of a dry, savory wine than anything else.

1990 Weingut Günther Steinmetz Kestener Paulinsberg Riesling Spätlese
MSRP $20
83/100

1997 Château d’Yquem

Some wines reel you in, while others soothe you. Some wines serve only for the purpose of complimenting the dishes they are paired with, and some work themselves into the intricacies of an evening, lubricating an awkward social event or enhancing an already wonderful one.And then there are the wines that ruin you for the rest. Like amazing, yet fleeting lovers, they raise the bar knowing that few will surpass it. I can safely say that Yquem has ruined me in my youth for many, many other wines. Sauternes is a bastion in celebrations, a key player marking the beginning or end of anything worth commemorating. To finish an evening with something so breathtakingly concentrated is a fitting finale to a dinner, and Yquem is one of the finest of them all. To celebrate the birthday of my girlfriend, we indulged in a half bottle of the 1997 Yquem vintage, the very one Parker described as sensational, almost reaching the smashing success of the famed 1990.To call this liquid gold in a bottle diminishes its potential- it is so much more mellifluous and fluid than that, with an ever-changing set of flavors that punch you in the face wearing velvet boxing gloves. It has an incredibly sweet nose and a full, Rubenesque body, purely organic and almost bretty with lanolin, wax, and petrol battling for top billing at the forefront, their harsher scents softened by pineapple and burnt sugar- absolutely stunning right out of the bottle. It’s a real lady-killer of a wine, with a rather sexy, smooth look in and out of the glass. While we were drinking this at just the tip of its ideal drinking window (2005-2055) I’d be hard-pressed to find a better example of this wine for such a reasonable price. It infiltrates every corner and cranny of the mouth, working its way under the tongue and in between the teeth, infusing your cheeks, your palate, your gums with this complex, luxurious flavor, redolent with flavors of brie cheese, apple, caramel, and bread. It was both fruity and dessert-like, sugar-laden yet tempered with time. A stupidly easy drinker with a lingering finish upwards of twenty seconds that, like a beautiful piece of music, rings on your tongue and in your nose for what seems like hours to come. Waking up with the flavor of Yquem still kissing my lips was a true treat to finish off a magnificent evening.

1997 Chateau D’Yquem
MSRP $400
97/100

2012 Mohegan Sun WineFest

Casinos are no strangers to entertaining events: whether you’re scoping out the buffet lines and catching The Family Stone (missing Sly) in concert or making big cash on the slot machines, there’s always something to check out. My home state hosts two of the world’s most famous casinos, Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun. Having enjoyed some events and restaurants there in the past, I was quite pumped to visit Mohegan and serve as a press correspondent for their annual Sun WineFest.On a beautiful Sunday, patrons flocked from far and wide to view the wine offerings, sample delicious food, and chat up some of the many producers and distributors at the show. We heard snippets of conversation where people hailed from New Jersey, Massachusetts, New York- even coming from as far away as France and Sweden, just to check out the show! And I honestly can’t blame them. With over 500 wines and spirits to sample, it was truly a boozy bonanza for all.We arrived at eleven for the media and trade-exclusive portion of the event, but when the crowd came in at noon, we were prepared, armed with our food tokens and wine glasses. We got a chance to sample tons of items throughout the course of the afternoon (luckily, without passing out at the Chihuly sculpture) and have compiled our top ten for you today:Nobly Rotten’s Top Ten Sips and Samples at the 2012 Mohegan Sun WineFest
1. 2009 Caymus Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon: Caymus is one of the Napa Valley’s most notorious vineyards. Personally, I think this wine is an exceptional way to indulge in a cult wine without dropping big bucks on their famous 1980 Cab. This particular wine was lush and fruity, with a thick smokiness and delightfully velvety texture. (MSRP: $69)2. Grey Goose La Poire Vodka: I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. I’m physically incapable of doing shots! Honestly, though, this was an easy sipper. With a lush pear scent and beautiful flavor, the newest flavored Grey Goose selection was pear-fect indeed. (MSRP: $35)
3. iGourmet‘s English Cheddar with Caramelized Onions: Holy cow, did I wish this was served on a burger. This cheese was a true sight to behold. Stuffed with pieces of caramelized onion, it infused a pungent, yet sweet flavor to the already savory cheddar. Easily something I’d buy and use within a few days. (MSRP: $18/pound)4. Wicked Natural‘s Blueberry Jalapeno Mint Jelly: This Rhode Island company was taking the show by storm with their innovative combinations of jelly and spread flavors. This was our clear favorite, with its clean, fruity flavor and surprising kick, but their Caramel Mustard and Blueberry Chocolate Jam also delighted us. (MSRP: $8/jar)5. 2008 Chateau Boutisse Saint-Emilion Grand Cru: While we tried quite a few Bordeaux wines from Monsieur Touton Selections, this particular wine was our favorite, hands-down. Beating down a few larger producers, we were wooed by its sumptuously silky texture and intense notes of fresh raspberries, cinnamon, and green flavors. (MSRP: $24)
6. 2005 Allegrini Palazzo della Torre Corvina Veronese: A classic example of a regional Italian varietal, this wine delighted us with its rosemary and floral scents and delicate flavor. Very dry and not overly tannic, it was refreshing and tasty. (MSRP: $21)
7. Ballo’s Porcetta Sliders: These were our favorite food samples. Although they were a hair pricy, at five tokens apiece, they were stuffed full of tender porcetta  (MSRP: $5)
8. 2009 Duckhorn Vineyards Merlot: Another California cult classic made its mark on this year’s show. This was one of our first samples of the morning, but made an impression on our palates with its rich texture and flavors of ripe berries, green herb notes, and cranberries. (MSRP: $47)
9. Hennessy V.S. Cognac: Everyone has had Hennessy before, but have you tried it out of a giant self-pouring Hennessy ice sculpture? That alone was enough to entertain us for a good part of the afternoon. (MSRP: $37)
10. 2006 Viberti Giovanni Buon Padre Barolo: This was a great example of a fine Barolo. Hailing from its outstanding 2006 vintage, this is a flavorful and intense wine, tannic and lush, with a chocolatey and coffee finish. (MSRP: $52)Aside from the wonderful wines, there were some free food booths to sample from as well as paid nibbles from some of Mohegan Sun’s restaurants across the casino. The prices varied from $3, or three tokens, for a mozzarella-stuffed meatball to $7 for a loaded sushi sampler. Some deals were better than others, our personal favorite the taco trio from SolToro Tequila Grill. The three tacos were a little watery, but were each flavorful, topped with plenty of savory toppings, and generously stuffed with meat filling, making them easy to share. Five tokens bought you three of them, making them the best value of the show.We also sampled a fantastic custard made from locally produced heirloom eggs atop a sweet blackberry sauce, garnished with a piece of golden brittle.All in all, it was a fantastically entertaining afternoon. We left with some excellent contacts, a wonderful buzz, and a great media schwag bag full of goodies to help us remember the show! We had a wonderful time, thanks to the great folks at Mohegan Sun, and can’t wait to come back next year for the WineFest and check out Mohegan again soon for all that goes on under the sun.To get more information on the Sun WineFest and to see a list of the producers we sampled from, follow @sunwinefest on Twitter or check out their website here!

2012 Boston Wine Expo

Today we made a trip out to Boston to check out the 2012 Boston Wine Expo. The BWE has brought wine distributors, writers, and consumers together for the last twenty two years in the center of the city to drink, learn, and enjoy plenty of fascinating selections and nibbles from across the globe! This year’s selection of events featured seminars with speakers like Mark Oldman and Wine Spectator director of education Gloria Maroti Frazee and live cooking demonstrations by some of Boston’s best chefs.Nobly Rotten was lucky to have the chance to check out the expo as press correspondents and see what was popping up at this year’s festival. Some of our favorite wine highlights included some old favorites, like a selection of wines from the Finger Lakes, and some were new contenders for our hearts and tastebuds.Our Ten Favorite Products at the 2012 Boston Wine Expo
1. 2010 Wagner Vineyards Dry Riesling: This was a phenomenal representation of all the potential a dry Riesling has. To all Riesling naysayers, lumping it in the category of buttery Chardonnays and unctuous Moscados as “one of those white wines,” I hope you try a glass of this. It’s steely in its minerality with a razor-sharp crispness and a fine, perfumed citrine nose. A wonderful and versatile dinner wine. (MSRP: $13)
2. 2009 Ridgeback Cape Ruby: For those with a love for dogs and a love for dessert wines, the bark stops here. The South African Ridgeback Cape Ruby offers a beautiful, port-like flavor at decidedly un-port-like prices and had a wonderfully smooth flavor, chocolatey with a hint of cherry richness on the finish. Lots of bark and a very gentle bite. An exquisite, yet powerful example of a sweet Shiraz. (MSRP: $10)3. Yancey’s Fancy Champagne Cheddar: While the Spicy Buffalo Cheddar was a serious contender for our cheese portfolio, we fell in love with the sweet, buttery flavor of Yancey’s champagne-infused cheddar cheese. Mild and soft, with a creamy, fruity edge, it mirrored our favorite brunch mixer and celebratory bubbly. Definitely something we’d serve for a lazy Sunday brunch, and their cheese curds would make a killer sandwich, too. (MSRP: $5)
4. W. & J. Graham’s 20 Year Old Tawny Port: I know, you’d think something below the legal drinking age wouldn’t stun connoisseurs, but port’s a little different from people. But like humans, it has the potential to surprise. To ease the winter chill, a glass or two of this is sure to warm the bones and satisfy the palate with its fine, nutty flavor and sweet brown sugar finish. (MSRP: $55)5. Neige Première Apple Ice Wine: Quebec’s first commercialized ice cider competes with classic dessert wines in a ravishing way. With a piercing acidity behind a sweet, mulled flavor, it carried a caramelized note pervasive throughout each sip and a hint of apple goodness tipping the hat back to its humble origins. A special and unique surprise for your next dinner party and definitely something I’d be happy to see on a tasting menu. (MSRP: $30/375 ml)6. American Provisions Wild Boar Fois Gras: Holy Mary on a hamburger, this brings indulgence to a whole new level. I’m not sure about the accuracy of this and whether this is technically foie gras, but when you’re talking about mixing it with wild boar, it almost doesn’t matter. This was creamy, spicy, and tangy all at once and meatloafy in texture, with a rich, truffled flavor down to its very core. Paired with a slice of sour cornichon, it was a beautiful bite. 7. SlantShack Jerky: These aren’t your grandma’s Slim Jims, that’s for sure. If you took thin steak strips and aged them, covering them in the tastiest toppings, that would only come close to the savory chew these provide. With a moist interior and seriously bark-like texture, these were the perfect pairing to some of the more meaty wines of the show. (MSRP: $8)
8. HoneyMaker Lavender Mead: Lavender and honey is a naturally delightful olfactory combination, so of course it makes sense to enjoy it in a drink. HoneyMaker’s mead was exceptionally smooth and would make a unique cocktail mixer. (MSRP: $18)
9. 2010 Prieuré de Montézargues Tavel Rosé: Not normally being a fan of rosé wine, I was surprised to be wooed so well with this fruity, lusty sample from the Côtes du Rhône region of France. It was very crisp, with a tight flavor and wonderful nose of berries, raisins, and jam. (MSRP: $23)
10. 2010 Wagner Vineyards Vidal Blanc Icewine: This was undoubtedly the quirkiest, most unusual wine we tasted today. While we hadn’t checked out Wagner on our last trek out to the lakes, we most certainly will on our next go around. Wagner’s ice wine was wonderfully funky and strange, with a saline note comingling with sweeter flavors and an almost umami-laden finish with notes of oceanic oysters and salt on both the nose and the palate. (MSRP: $23/375ml)Cocktail lovers weren’t left out in the cold, either. For hard cider fans, we sampled an authentic Irish cider made of seventeen types of Irish apples and tested two amazing cocktails, courtesy of Mionetto’s dazzling bartenders. No longer does the Mimosa reign supreme while the Prom Dress and No Passport Required were on the scene! The Prom Dress, with Mionetto prosecco, blood orange juice, orange bitters, and dried basil was our particular libation of choice. Mionetto’s versatile selection rarely disappoints and presents the rare opportunity to use a wine as both a mixer and a stand-alone treat on a hot (or cold!) day. The Expo was an enjoyable experience for us both. While I had a blast sampling all the Finger Lakes Rieslings I hadn’t tasted on my last trip to New York, I was a little dismayed at how small the European Riesling selection was. In the case of the Alsatians, it was nonexistent and it was perhaps worse for the German Rieslings- their only representation was Schmitt-Sohne, which might as well be nonexistent. Aside from that, it was an entertaining event and a well-organized one, similar in style to the Fancy Food Show but on a smaller scale and with plenty of goodies to drink and discover. The Boston restaurant selection was also fantastic and opened my eyes to some of the various restaurants in the area that I hadn’t yet tried. It was a great way to sample some of their selections before booking a reservation. All in all, it was a very successful event and a fun one to check out on a frigid January day. We can’t wait to check out the NYC Wine Expo in March!For more information on the Expo as well as other events happening this year, check out www.wine-expos.com!

1998 Château de Beaucastel Chateauneuf-du-Pape

For every quirky outsider of a wine, there is a classical, downright Baroque bottle  that presents itself simply, like an antique desk, yet is so utterly beautiful in its minimal presentation that it trumps its younger counterparts every time. And that wine is the 1998 Beaucastel. There are few words that come to mind when one drinks this wine. It speaks for itself impeccably.It’s no question that the ’98 is one of the best vintages in the last twenty years. What makes it so impeccable is how rock-solid and consistent of a wine this is. This was my first tasting, but my father has had this same wine roughly six times in the last few years and he maintains the opinion that it is still getting better. With a healthy brick-red color and a twinge of terra cotta around the rim, it was a clear and rounded wine with exceptionally indulgent qualities.Ratings be damned, this wine is still going strong. It is one of the few that hasn’t fallen prey to the Parkerization of Rhône wines and has unfortunately suffered as a result. Recently, Parker lowered his score of this vintage from 100 points to 92, with dramatic price drops as a result. If you’re looking for a Beaucastel, don’t fall prey to the hype of ratings and buy while the prices are low. This delivers the elegance and power of the 1990 and a prowess evocative of a more polished 1983, with a lusciously wet texture and a quiet, powerful flavor. It’s intensely aromatic with classic Beaucastel garrigue, ripe with brettanomyces and enveloping the olfactory bulb with dark chocolate, aged oak, old leather jacket, and a bloody, meaty flavor akin to the ’52 Jaboulet but with a little less of a gamey edge, counterbalanced by a downright creamy flash of vanilla and a saltier finish. Phenomenal and utterly classic. A wine best paired with brooding and Goethe (or any other Sturm und Drang pioneer) it should prove to be a lasting and improving bottle in coming years.

1998 Chateau de Beaucastel Chateauneuf-du-Pape
MSRP $96
98/100

2010 Frisk Prickly Riesling

No bubbly for us this year, at least none featured on this site. In true Nobly Rotten fashion, we’ve eschewed the champagne for a sparkling Riesling, an Australian offering described as “prickly.” Indeed, Frisk is a peppy send-off to a peppy year, and a fine way to celebrate the end and beginning of what should prove to be a successful year for the site. Frisk was recommended to me by a good friend’s father and seemed like an appropriate way to bade farewell to 2011 in the only way we know how: friskily and with a bit of gusto.

If you’ve heard the rendition of Aud Lang Syne hearkening back from the World War I era, “we’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here,” originally sung by soldiers in the trenches in defiance to the destruction and horror of the war around them,  you have a good idea as to what Frisk evokes when consumed. Not to diminish the trials of war or to compare a simple Riesling to the death of an era, but Frisk seeks to redefine Riesling in a bold, but simple fashion and succeeds despite all odds. Frisk is here because it’s here, and although it’s got one foot in the Riesling door and the other in a handful of other varietals, it proves to be a starkly resilient wine in a world of classic Rieslings. Not that I’m not a fan of classic Rieslings, but Frisk is plucky without riding on its own marketing scheme to propel it.Yes, it’s technically a Riesling blend, but Australia is one of the few countries who does not regulate what can be blended into a particular wine, unlike, say, Germany or Austria, to denote what is on the bottle. While this is a point of contention in the wine industry in the name of fraud, it is argued that this lax standard in regulation allows for more creativity and innovation in Australian wines to create a more dynamic wine. So while Frisk does call itself a Riesling, a justifiable title as it contains 89% Riesling wine, the other 11% is actually Muscat Gordo, a derivation of the Muscat grape commonly used in Australia. In Frisk, the muscat influences rears up every so often in the sip. Where in a German Riesling of similar classification- my best guess is that this is comparable to a QbA halbtrocken (half-dry) kabinett, it would come off as a hair unapproachable and gently austere without the muscat, here it lends a bit of added sweetness and lively ripeness to the wine in an unobtrusive, well-blended fashion.And yes, the chief appeal to this is its vigorous, pardon me, “prickly” effervescence, but it’s no bubblier than any other vaguely carbonated Riesling and seems to be a way to broadcast petillance in a more approachable manner. Nevertheless, it is a fine example of the keen qualities blending can make up for in a somewhat understated wine. With this particular bottle, we have a gentle nose of ginger and lemon, a spritely, candy-like scent not a hair too pungent. The petillance is indeed prickly but by no means painful. So if prickliness turned you off, there’s not a whole lot to fear. The Riesling is sweet without being dumb, playful without coming off as syrupy in any way. If you’re watching GaGa it’s funky enough to hold its own, yet would fit in with Dick Clark and the rest of the New Year’s scene, too. And for your Alexander Hamilton and spare change, it certainly proves itself to be an excellent value.Don’t knock the selection down under, because I can’t think of a better way to kick off a new year than with a new, intrepid wine. It’s not perfect, and it’s certainly not classic, but in its idiosyncrasy, it shines. Happy New Year, readers. Drink well and think hard, and remember- always remember, to take life with a grain of salt and a slug of wine.

Signing off,

Your ever-faithful critic, Jess

2010 Frisk Prickly Riesling
MSRP $11
90/100

Ravi Instant Wine Chiller

“There’s something about Ravi,” I thought, lifting the paperweight cum Thermos out of its container. 90′s pop culture references aside, the Ravi is one of those gadgets that critics and consumers go ga-ga over despite its ungainly appearance. The Ravi is advertised as an instant wine chiller- instant, that is, after you’ve chilled the damned thing for six to twelve hours, and promises to chill the wine to the perfect temperature, between 54 and 64 degrees Fahrenheit. This aspect is controlled by you- yes, now you’re the sommelier, altering time and biology at the press of a button, a small blowhole-shaped valve on the side of the USS Ravi that controls the air flow. This aspect is fairly difficult to alter, being that there’s no thermometer on the Ravi itself. Adding yet another foreign object to your wine glass seems like it would just turn the whole affair into a game of Jenga with more costly results.The Ravi is no froo-froo wine chiller, no sir. It adds an extra six inches to a wine bottle, much like a certain herbal supplement, and gives it a fairly ungainly appearance, like a rocket launcher on top of the Eiffel Tower. Handling the bottle with its attachment is extremely awkward as it is no longer balanced when turned downwards. The Ravi adds a wobbly extra weight atop the neck that pours the wine out deceptively slowly- almost a little too slowly, in fact, the type of teetering, agonizingly feeble pour that, like High School Musical infiltrating a playlist, threatens to break up a party fairly quickly. Even at its fastest pour, it comes out with the lusty virility of someone trying to pee out a kidney stone.But does it work? Not really. For its twelve hours of chilling, the Ravi’s performance window is incredibly short. Although the Ravi is formulated for red wine, the package does state that it will work for white wine as well, so we tested it on a Pinot Gris we’d had lingering at room temperature on the counter. Although it did chill the wine from a viscous and simple room temperature to a vaguely more crisp wine, the difference in temperature was minimal at best and was certainly no competition to a quick fifteen to twenty in the refrigerator. Along with the slow-mo style of pouring, I shuddered at the thought of using this on a grittier Bordeaux, whose sediment may easily clog this and render it unusable in the future. Twenty minutes later, our second glass was barely chilled, and the Ravi was once again relegated to the back depths of the freezer where it will undoubtedly remain for eternity. It’s the Nigel Tufnel of wine- the mediation of fire and ice, also known as unfortunately lukewarm water.The Ravi caters to the greed-centric need for instant gratification. Outside of alcoholics in denial, who walks into a party and is immediately seized with the need for a perfectly chilled glass of wine? While I think all good parties need wine, there’s certainly no party that will be derailed by using the 20/20 rule- white wines are put into the fridge 20 minutes before serving, red wines are taken out of the fridge 20 minutes before serving. It’s not at all difficult to do. In between inviting guests in, taking their coats, snacking, chatting vainly about Star Trek, and then remembering that there’s wine to be had before or with dinner, it’s easy enough to find a 20 minute block if you’ve forgotten to chill wine. Chilling can make or break a wine. With the temperature of a wine rising by approximately four degrees Fahrenheit per ten minutes out of the fridge, it’s easy to determine when to open it up without the pomp, circumstance, and pressure of having the Ravi. Chances are, if you’re opening up a bottle of wine a la Jack Bauer with mere seconds to spare, you’re doing it wrong.

Ravi Instant Wine Chiller
MSRP $40
20/100

2010 Willi Haag Brauneberger Juffer Riesling Kabinett

Bargain bins get me every time. I’ll let you in on a little secret- I’m kind of glad that some of my local wine stores are less than well-versed in the art of deciphering German wine labels. I found this eye-raising gem in the “last of the summer wines” bin at an unnamed establishment for a mere $12 and snagged it immediately. Not that there was a whole lot of clamor for white wine in the middle of December, but you never know who’s scouting. Yup, dropped the ’47 Lafite right where I was standing and headed for this. Who needs Bordeaux when you’ve got Brauneberger Juffer? I’m no stranger to Willi Haag. Drank a bottle of the ’06 Brauneberger Juffer Spatlese for my first birthday in college and rather enjoyed it. Continuing along our tasting of Riesling from the ’10 Mosel category, this is a great example of how little you can spend for a quality wine. When I tell people I write about wine, their first question is typically, “Oh, isn’t that expensive?” or “Isn’t it all overwhelming?” When I tell them that I can recommend them a few little favorites that could put Franzia out of business, they typically shirk- “Well, my budget is only around $10!” they lament. The way I see it is that if you can find a median- say, $14, and push your budget $2 in either direction, you can get a pretty decent wine if you offer yourself a range of prices than a fixed number. It’s worth spending a little above your median for an excellent wine like this than spending below for something unpotable. Of course, when you can spend below your budget (I try to stick under $30) and  get something wonderful, you’re in the money as well as the vine.Yes, this made me pretty damned smug. This is a colorful example of yet another bristlingly acidic Spatlese in Kabinett’s clothing. It pours lushly out of the bottle in a clear, honeysuckle color dotted with light petillance. Immediately, it was incredibly fragrant and coats the nose and mouth with a host of olfactory surprises, starting with wafting top notes of white peach, pineapple, green apple, and rock candy. It had a full, thick body and clean, almost minty-fresh texture with an effortlessly sweet, balanced flavor. The acidity was strong, but not lingering. It finished with a pleasant surprise- a persistent hint of muskiness brimmed on the tongue as the sweeter flavors faded out, a ripe, warm earthiness amidst the candy-sweet notes.I rather enjoyed this- it was a perfect example of something reduced in price from a recent, celebrated vintage that was basically flawless. Sometimes buying out of “season” is what can help you, sometimes it’s just a matter of moving stock. Either way. if you find this at $12 or $17, it’s worth picking up a bottle for dinner.

2010 Willi Haag Brauneberger Juffer Riesling Kabinett
MSRP $17
90/100

Smirnoff Whipped Cream and Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka

First spirits review, boo-yah. I’ve got to admit, high school would have been a lot easier with these on hand. For me, not for anyone else. In my earlier years, I had one hell of a social calendar. Bar or Bat Mitzvahs every Saturday, which, in Connecticut basically calls for giant, stupidly excessive parties with a little torah action on the side, black market sleepover invitations, and cast parties for all the plays I was in. Would have helped with coping with the asstastic directors we had. While the other kids were sneaking sips from their parents’ shitty tequila supply, I would have been the queen of the 10th grade. These candy-inspired vodkas are A-grade panty peelers, and I’m Leisure Suit Larry.Fast forward five years later. Fortunately, I no longer have the need nor the drive to chase down vapid sorority chicks with my free alcahawl, but it’s still a tantalizing proposition. These drinks go down easily. A little too easily, in that I feel a little empty inside by not pairing them with a frosting and pulverized Peep chaser. As someone who literally cannot physically drink shots, these would be great introductory vodkas for recently defrocked AA members or the elderly. Both are freaking sweet, in less of a frat boy adoration than a “I think I just ate lip gloss” way, and yet do not contain sugar.The whipped cream vodka has a smooth, milky flavor despite its vodka bite and a perfumed nose that surprisingly doesn’t smell like 14 year old girls at the mall. It’s actually a fairly accurate scent, with an airy, mild fruitiness reminiscent of sniffing vanilla extract, and mixes well with milk and nothing else. Drinking it feels a bit close to drinking the leftover sips of melted vanilla ice cream in the summer, so this provides a less caloric and similarly decadent experience. There’s an interesting underlying coconut edge to this as well. While I can’t say this tastes identical to freshly whipped cream, which has a bit more of that butterfat neutrality that pairs so well with cakes and pies, it definitely tastes like Cool Whip, a flavor best imitated rather than eaten out of the tub.

Smirnoff Whipped Cream Vodka
MSRP $14
78/100

Fluffed marshmallow is a bit more ambiguous of a flavor since everyone knows that marshmallows are really just larger, puffier vehicles for a magnificent sugar rush. This vodka smells like jailbait. Does anyone but me remember the Jessica Simpson line of edible body products? Desert Prostitute or something? It might have been Dessert, but nobody’s counting. This one really has that sweet, one-noted candied edge, with no burnt or toasty flavor to speak of. They did say this was just regular marshmallow, but still, I had hope. And now I don’t. Mixed with milk, this tasted like a sprinkles Splenda milkshake with a healthy dollop of cake batter on top. In other words, something that a seven year old would give their left arm for. I rest my case.

Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka
MSRP $14
70/100

I liked these pretty unadorned- a shot in a glass with a dribble of milk, but I did make a special and incredibly easy shot to make it more like an ice cream sundae using hot fudge and chopped peanuts on the rim of the shot. Bottoms up.